Dissociation

Dissociation is a common defense/reaction to stressful or traumatic situations.

Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

Nothing is real. It’s all fake. I’m just watching my life from above. I feel nothing. I am nothing. I’m not typing this. Life is a lie. Nothing matters.

Do you ever get that overwhelming feeling that life isn’t real? You go somewhere else for a second, then snap back to reality? Well, I don’t snap back easily. I’m dissociating a lot at the moment. I do it more when I’m drunk. It’s the ultimate zoning out. For a while I am nothing, and I just sit there and stare. I’m not me, my memories are lies, and my feelings are gone. Or are they? Sometimes my dissociation is combined with a lonely sadness.

I’ts like I’m trying to feel but I can’t, and I don’t want to. I want time to pass, and this all to be over. When I have plans that I have to wait for, and I’m alone, dissociation comes on strong. I can’t stand being alone, and having nothing to do, so I go “elsewhere”. Sometimes I have to force myself out of it. I’m doing that now, by telling you about it. I’ve been sat at my desk for god knows how long, staring at the same few images on tumblr. I don’t even remember what they were pictures of.

I can’t organize my thoughts, and words are just spewing out of me, so this post may seem a bit fractured.

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