What is this?

  • me: i just want someone to care about me
  • someone: *cares about me*
  • me: tf are u doing????????????? stop?

 

My life is a mess. What the hell is going on? I’m so empty, but so angry. I got my meds for restless legs back, and hope they will help me sleep. I’m just not sleeping. I’m sharing a room with a 3 year old, who keeps me awake with her nightmares. It’s not her fault, but it’s exhausting. My niece and nephew wake up so early, and they aren’t quiet about it, so when you barely sleep, the day is hard to get through. I even got a shit ton of ear plugs, but they aren’t helping.

All I do is sit at my pc playing Star Wars The Old Republic. I’ve completed all the new story chapters in a couple of days. I don’t want to do anything else. I have a couple of commissions to work on, but I’m finding it hard to gather up any motivation to do it. I just let everyone down. That’s all I’ve ever done. I’m the biggest failure. Couldn’t even move out of my parents house without failing.

I’m beyond miserable being back in my parents house, but what can I do? My name is down for social housing, because I can’t afford private lettings, the landlords don’t want people on benefits, or animals, so I have no other option. This house is overcrowded. My parents, me, my brother, his kids, and his fiance, all crammed into this stupid house. I don’t have a bedroom, I have a bed in my nieces room, and my pc is on the dining room table, currently squashed in the corner of the living room. I have no privacy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful to have a roof over my head and food in my belly, but this situation is just as bad for my mental health as my previous living arrangement was. Remind me to never share a house with someone again, unless they’re my partner (which i strongly believe is never gonna happen, who wants to be with someone like me? Who in their right mind would put up with bpd?).

I HAVE to get my own place, so me and Loona can live in peace, working to get better, and actually possibly one day, maybe, not being an absolute waste of human life.

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