Me, me, me!

Are you lonesome tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
You can be surrounded by people, yet be the loneliest one in the room. You can be texting numerous people, yet still feel isolated. Even when I’m stood next to a friend, sometimes I still feel alone. It’s not their fault of course. It’s mine. I can’t connect. I don’t feel a real connection to people at the moment.

Any connection is fleeting. Lasting a few hours if that. That need of constant reassurance can be heartbreaking. I feel like it destroys any connections I make. Unless you’re giving me attention, I become empty. I start to zone out. I’ve had people ask “you ok?” and then I’ll snap back to reality. They paid attention to me, so it’s alright.

I know it’s probably annoying, and gets infuriating, but please, reassure me. Let me know you’re thinking about me. Let me know I’m not alone. It’s selfish, and stupid that I have to somehow be center of attention, but it might just stop them bad thoughts creeping in.

I hate that I want attention. I genuinely do wish I could be independent, and not need to be checked up on. I wish I could get on with my life, knowing you have yours too. I just can’t. Thing is. I can’t message you first, I can’t ask for help or attention. I feel like I’m just annoying you, bothering you when your busy, pushing you away… and as always, I’m going to keep using his words “To intense”.

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