To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. Buddha
I think I’m happy. I have moved into my new flat! I have space to make work, space to grow and develop. I really like it here. It’s quiet, and I get to be me. My living room is a studio. I have all my art materials here. My bedroom is my safe space, with my ps4 and netflix. I have my cat, and I can see my friends easier. Being back in Bangor is wonderful.
I’ve been trying to make new friends online, meeting people anonymously. These people are from around the world, but I’ve met someone who’s very local too. He’s nice. His girlfriend is long distance, he’s finding it hard, I can see why, long distance doesn’t work for me I need to touch. I’ve been trying to “date”. Trying tinder and all that jazz, but I’m not finding anyone I can connect with. It’s all fuckboys unfortunately. I’ve decided to give it up. I feel so much better for it. One guy who I was enjoying conversation with said he wasn’t comfortable talking to me once I told him about my Borderline. That hurt. So I’ve realized that I don’t need to chase anyone. If they want me, they’ll come to me, and make damn sure they treat me like a goddess. I deserve to be happy.
I am content to be alone. Even if it is forever. I’m damaged, but that doesn’t mean I should settle for less. I deserve to be loved, because when I love, I do it with all my heart. I think I’m happy, and that’s all I ever wanted.