BPD AND ME!

Today I started a 12 week course for recovery regarding my drinking problem. I drink because of triggers, and thought it a good idea to write about how my BPD effects me, my triggers, and how to help!

BPD & Terri
Emotional disregulation, poor/unstable self image, sensitive, unstable relationships/friendships, impulsive behavior, feeling out of touch with reality (dissociation), intense relationships, disturbed patterns of thinking, hallucinations/psychotic episodes, feeling overwhelmed, small things can trigger intense reactions, chronic feelings of emptiness and loneliness, worry over small things (always think the worst), severe paranoia.
(Stress can make this worse, I do not feel/experience this 100% of the time, most of the time I’m pretty normal actually)

Triggers: Rejection (This can be when I send a message and don’t get a reply, or being told you don’t want to do *activity* with me), abandonment, (this can be last minute change in plans, or fear that you don’t want to be with me, real or imagined and can come from the simplest change in body language or tone of voice) weight gain (HUGE trigger for me, i get super upset when i can’t fit into my jeans, girls talk about how fat they are, or about food, and some days just looking in the mirror), lack of attention (more than a day without contact can greatly upset me), the news, being told that I am “over-reacting” (that will just make me angry with you, and make me feel a million times worse),

How it makes me feel: Empty, worthless, alone, unloved, unliked, unwanted, depressed, (in severe cases) suicidal. Worried, panic attacks, can make me feel like doing stupid things (self harm, drinking),

How I respond: Explosive anger, say things that I later regret, push people away (then get upset that they don’t respond), self destructive behavior, self harm, become clingy and needy, black/white thinking (this person loves me – this person hates me) “Splitting” (Go from seeing all good in a person, to hating them, thinking they are bad, this can happen in an instant, and can last minutes to forever depending on the severity of the hurt), Shopping (I spend money on things I don’t need) Binging.

How to help/stop triggers: Validation, attention (even the smallest thing, like a simple text during the day), Being reminded that I am important/liked/loved/etc, a hug, cuddles, spending time with me, give me plenty of warning about changes to plans, and don’t abandon plans, rearrange them. Help me calm down, a bath, nice music, watching a film (these are known as anchor points, the more anchor points I have the better)

Small things that can trigger me for no apparent reason, but not always: (yes its confusing, some of these can be triggers from my fibro if I’m in a lot of pain, or having sensory overload)
Large groups of people (especially loud ones laughing), high pitched noises, people saying the same thing over and over, loud chewing, people letting their kids run around in stupid places (like car parks), being called names like “darling” or “babe” by creepy old men, being touched by strangers, being ignored in a group setting, being left alone in a social setting, my teeth, filling in forms, phonecalls, religion,

(THIS IS LIABLE TO CHANGE, BECAUSE I PROBABLY FORGOT STUFF)

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